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Before your rat bike spent a decade or two submerged in raw sewage it looked like this: clean, classy, without a trace of rust or even the faintest whiff of hobo piss. But though it lacks character, you'll have more than thirty seconds to live if it comes into contact with an open wound, so there's a bright side too. | ||
Like any real biker you'd rather spend your hard-stolen cash on smokes, liquor and crates of wet wipes. Well look no further, this is the ride for you. We haven't done much more than scrape off the remains of the previous owner, fill it with enough glue and diesel to keep it together at 80mph, and sell it on. It's like recycling, but really bad for the environment. | ||
If you take the time to really get to know the Western Daemon, peeling away the associations with gangland hits, sleaze, class A opiates and illegal firearms as you go, you'll find there's really no reason to buy it at all. Luckily for you some reputations are harder to wash than the skid stains the previous fat-ass left on the saddle, so buckle up. | ||
It's an iconic American image... A cop in sunglasses and unnecessarily tight pants, cruising down a dusty freeway on a Sovereign motorbike, pulling over female drivers and offering them two ways to pay their ticket. | ||
How can a bike be so stripped down it's souped up? So classic it's contemporary? So expensive it's cheap? We're not sure, but once you're hanging from its mini-ape bars like an orangutan with a leather fetish we're pretty sure it'll come sharply into focus. | ||
It's the classic formula: strip it back, lose the fairing, jack the engine, throw on your retro leather jacket and drive straight to the custody hearing without even wearing a helmet because this midlife crisis is making you all kinds of crazy. Make the most of that first and final ride - the alimony's a bitch. | ||
If you're a farmer in one of the close-knit communities on the shores of the Alamo Sea, chances are you're congenitally blind. But apart from that it's your lucky day, because not only does Nagasaki's latest quad come with twin front-mounted machine guns, it's also fully amphibious, so you can career off the road and into the highly infectious water without a second thought. | ||
The act of launching yourself off a fat dirt jump, achieving a torrential climax using nothing more than your powerfully throbbing saddle, and then landing upside down in a heap of shattered bones, engine parts and bodily fluids. Part fetish, part deathwish, part bloodsport. | ||
Hope you've got a big garage. A 6-wheel army personnel truck with reinforced frame and suspension, the Barracks is ideal for transporting armed troops and car-pooling obese American kids. Built by the US in the 1980s, sold to Iraq in the 1990s, captured from the Iraqis by Americans in the 2000s, the Barracks has a complex bloodline that took us days to get off the seats. | ||
The GB200 is an icon of that golden age of sports car design: a mid-engine, four-wheel drive rocket built with the power of a modern supercar and the handling, brakes and safety features of an angry dog. You can play it cool all you like: no matter how many times you take it over 100, the moment the turbo kicks in will have you clenching so hard you won't know if that was an ecstatic climax or a messy follow-through. | ||
Step one: take the best-looking muscle car the 60's ever saw, and introduce it to the greatest American supercar of the modern era. Step two: leave them alone in a quiet garage with a few dozen shots of high octane gas, plenty of axel grease and nothing else to do. Step three: the Dominator GTX is born, and it's hungry. When your pedigree is this damn good, there's nothing wrong with keeping it in the family. | ||
Baby boomer teen dream repackaged for the mass market generation. A muscle car without the muscle that's the rental vehicle of choice for tourists looking for a slice of 'real' Americana. | ||
Don't worry, the confusion is natural. You see that running board swooping low over the front wheels, that high-set radiator grille, the holder for your cigarette holder, and you're safely back where you belong in the 1920s. But then you see the carbon steel reinforcements to the chassis, the turbo charger and the bullbar, and you're somewhere else altogether. Don't try to make sense of it. Just let it do what it needs to do. | ||
As the rate of infant heart disease suggests, the power to weight ratio has never been America's strong suit - until now. With the FMJ, Vapid put the American supercar on a raw food diet and gave it colonic irrigation. The result? With the same primal engine under bodywork that's 90% carbon fiber and 10% patriotic sentiment, this thing will go 0 to 60 on the back of nothing more than a light sneeze. | ||
They don't make 'em like they used to. Which is why Vapid designed the retro-classic Bullet based on the racing cars of the 1960s, back when nobody gave a crap about carbon footprints or the Ozone layer. | ||
You know how it is. One moment you're driving to the store, the next you've succumbed to an overwhelming desire to tear some fresh holes in the asphalt. Your doctor says you need extensive psychiatric treatment, but at Vapid we understand that all you need is the right car. Specifically, one that's both a nimble little runner and a demented little hatchback that's forever on the edge of tearing itself into hot little pieces. Let the therapy begin. | ||
Perhaps THE classic American muscle car. Compact two door sedan made for the greatest generation and lusted after by their jaded children. Cheap to make, and one of the highest-selling new cars in American history - this is what classic American cars were once all about. | ||
Medium-duty commercial truck for heavy-duty consumers. Finally, it's a pick-up to go with your two gallon sodas and twenty piece buckets for once. And the ultra-powerful engine can haul you out your bedroom when you weigh in at three tonnes. | ||
Monster trucking - it's amazing what drunken rednecks will call a sport. Raise your game in the Los Santos road rage wars with The Liberator | ||
It doesn't get any more American than this heavy-duty pick-up. Big, brash and loud, the Sandking blusters its way into any environment without a second thought. | ||
Boys love trucks, as do dogs, though we don't recommend you put your boy or dog in the back of this baby when ripping through pristine environments. Leave only tire tracks and empty beer cans to let them know you were there | ||
No problem getting a pair of 300lb tweens in the back of this bad boy... The Vapid Sadler is a full-size pick-up for full-size Americans. The best-selling and least fuel-efficient vehicle in the United States for over 20 years. | ||
These days, when any soccer-mom SUV gets to call itself a 4x4, Vapid have decided to remind us what the phrase "off-road" really means. 40 inches of suspension, a tough but lightweight frame, and more horsepower than a cruise missile, all working together to crush any landscape known to man: mountains, valleys, deserts, warzones, schools. Nowhere is safe. | ||
Favorite 50's pickup of San Andreas Lowriders and Liberty City bikers. Smooth lines, chrome details, and shiny paintwork have made the Vapid Slamvan the toy of choice for idiots who won't grow up everywhere. | ||
The Dundreary Landstalker is a full-size luxury SUV driven by people you assume must be drug dealers or trophy wives, because that's easier than dealing with the very real possibility that they might just be more attractive and successful than you are. | ||
The Vapid Retinue began it's life as a blue-collar hero: an overpowered, oversteering, gas-guzzler, built and sold for the working man. From those humble beginnings it became one of the most successful rally cars of all time. And now, all that rich history makes it prime hipster bait for the soulful one-percenter for some authenticity. Yep, that's where you come in. | ||
One of the best-selling mid-size crossovers on the market today. Enjoy the feel and functionality of an SUV without everybody berating you about your carbon footprint. | ||
Ah, the late 60s, when utility was cool and this thing was affordable. You could never tell if the back contained a hemp-covered den of equality and recreational drug use or a mobile torture chamber for the village psycho. Or both. And that's a tradition we're proud to maintain. | ||
There was a time when the barest mention of the word 'Rumpo' sent a shiver down the spine of every kidnap victim and abductee in America. The Rumpo Custom adds a whole new level of utility to this beloved classic while staying true to those all-important roots. Flood lights, bullet resistant glass and a high ground clearance give you a fighting chance in the country, and a vogueish paramilitary flavor in town. | ||
What happens in the back, stays in the back. The No1 best-selling van among kidnappers and molesters for over 30 years | ||
The Bravado Paradise is the fun, fuel-efficient, compact campervan you've been waiting for, because a family of four entombed in a tiny metal box for a week is everyone's idea of a perfect vacation. | ||
If you took a cab or got arrested in the 1990s, there's a high chance you ended up in the back of a Vapid Stanier. Discontinued following widespread reports of fuel tanks exploding on impact in rear-end collisions. So try to avoid that | ||
When you think of a concept car, you probably think of some nitrous-charged bauble with funky aerodynamics and a silly name. But there are other concepts to choose from. "Bone-splintering torque," for example. Or "churning the natural world to a ravaged pulp beneath your giant, reinforced tires". And when those are the concepts you're after, you buy American, you buy Vapid, and you buy the Riata | ||
Calling all car nerds who love to spend lots of money building a vehicle that looks like it's from the 1930's, but also kind of looks like it's from the future. The almost-street-legal Hotknife is perfect for getting you from the steampunk social to the furrie convention. | ||
The Khamelion is an electric hybrid luxury sports sedan. Don't laugh. It isn't a complete oxymoron. This beauty handles so well, you'd never know you're driving a plug in. Welcome to the future (so long as you have access to a specialized charging station). | ||
There's a kind of charm that only comes with age, and in today's jaded world nothing's aged better than the Cheetah Classic. It's practical, spacious, understated. It oozes red-blooded panache. You open the door, and you catch the smell of brandy and cigars on its breath. It's eminently respectable, it's constantly groping its secretary, and it doesn't even feel the need to pretend it has friends from minority groups. Welcome to the old world. | ||
Grotti might have alienated their Old Money consumers by releasing a hybrid sports car, but 'fuel efficient' is relative when you're talking about 799hp. 0-60 in under 3 seconds and a top speed of 210 mph. | ||
Turns out you can have it all: power with class, innovation with pedigree, looks with personality. The Bestia GTS has all the finesse and ferocity of a supercar, but its unique rear styling allows for two more seats in the back, with more than enough legroom for a couple of amputees or the children you never had. It's a visionary fusion no one ever saw coming, and for good reason. | ||
This is one for the purists. No hi-tech driving aids. No smart safety features. When you're three nanoseconds away from getting a mouthful of the truck in front, no onboard supercomputer is going to save you. But just like learning a language or killing a stranger with your bare hands, this kind of hard work is its own reward. | ||
Forget the last 50 years of technological advancement and hark back to the golden age of driving before seatbelts, DUI laws, anti-lock brakes and emasculating GPS systems with nagging female voices. A prototype sports car manufactured by Grotti in the early 1970s, this marvel of Italian engineering will over-compensate for just about anything. Just like the Italians | ||
It's no shock that a country in which a man had no qualms about dressing in a canary-yellow thong would know how to produce vehicles that get you noticed. The Carbonizzare is the ultimate sports car for the millionaire who wants people to know that they're a millionaire. | ||
First manufactured in 1960, the Stinger quickly became a car synonymous with the hard-living Vinewood playboys of the silver screen. Literally hundreds of impressionable young starlets got drunkenly deflowered against their will on the hood of this beauty and then later ended up with a face through the windshield. $1 million buys you more than just a used car without power steering - it buys you a piece of history. The interior still reeks of bourbon and cigarettes | ||
If you're looking for a car that puts function ahead of form, you're in the wrong boutique. Sure, you can try to drive the GT500 straight from A to B. But on the way, you'll find you're taking in pretty much every other letter of the alphabet, and they're spelling out something obscene in Italian. Your only choice is light a cigarette, strike a pose, contemplate how stunningly attractive this car makes you look, and enjoy the ride. | ||
Don't mistake this for a standard Stinger. The GT is a hard-top, race-bred variant that boasts a top speed of 175mph and 0-60 in less than 6 seconds. With only 40 produced, the Stinger GT is one of the most collectible sportscars in the world. So savor those fleeting moments of enjoyment in between being terrified of crashing it or somebody stealing it. -- Last edit: 2018-04-12 14:59:25 | ||
The aggressive styling and hyper tuned engine make this a bike that's ready for a fight. Most likely it'll be fighting the back of a truck or a highway barrier, but that'll be down to you. Features KERS Kinetic energy recovery system, which uses the bike's axle power to generate energy for the hyper cell battery. This power can be delivered to the back wheel via a direct drive brushless motor, giving the bike a hi torque speed boost. | ||
Treading the fine line between old-school, no-frills engineering and over-priced hipster-bait, Pegassi's FCR is every bike to every man. And you know what they say: if it ain't broke, see how much you can mod it. Benny's unique upgrade harnesses all that poise and efficiency beneath a mid-century, stripped-back military aesthetic that'd almost make your grandpa wish he hadn't disowned you. | ||
This isn't some jumped up vintage throwback. This is what would have happened if the classic designers of the 1960s had stayed in production, hemorrhaging money and creativity with every passing decade, until they were reduced to churning out over-marketed nostalgia trips to trust fund hipsters in their second year of college. An instant classic, then. | ||
This superbike from Nagasaki is extra lightweight because of its carbon body, resulting in a very fine line between "joy to drive" and "infernal deathtrap". It's a line worth treading | ||
There are probably several excellent reasons why a modified golf caddy is the time-honored choice for getting around in your subterranean lair. | ||
An Italian that is rough around the edges but smooth where it counts and plenty of gas in the tank to go the extra mile with sexual analogies. |